Rebuked

So, my best friend from high school won't have anything to do with me anymore. How the hell am I supposed to feel about that? I know we haven't kept in touch the way we used to, but I'm not the only one to blame. You are just as able to pick up the phone or write an e-mail. We can't see each other all the time, because I live forever away.

This is the girl who was like a sister to me. She practically lived with me throughout highschool. I told her EVERYTHING.

And now... it's like I don't even exist anymore.

Screw that.


"So I return rebuked to my content, And gain by ill thrice more than I have spent."
-> William Shakespeare

Goals

Short Term Goals:

Within the next year, I hope to expand my theatre experience with university, community and professional shows. Over the summer of 2010, I intend to participate in my local community theatre. I was unable to apply for summer stock due to scheduling conflicts. During the next school year, I hope to stage manage another show here on campus, as well as take the stage management theatre production techniques class.
During the fall of this year, I will begin submitting applications to summerstock companies. My top choices are currently Santa Fe, Tahoe, and Utah. However, I am always open to suggestions, particularly if there are any opera programs that I haven’t discovered.
Next fall, I will begin taking Spanish to fulfill my language credits. This will include the Spanish drama class, so that I can learn more about theatre in other cultures. It is my goal to become fluent, before attempting the French or German language, while here at Henderson. At some point, I wish to begin learning Italian. I am going to start with personal programs until I am able to find a tutor to assist me with the language.
With the intention of increasing my ability to read music, I will be resuming piano in the fall. I believe that doing so will increase my marketability both to graduate programs and future employers.
As I continue to study here at Henderson State University, I will be maintaining a high G.P.A.
I will be applying for the stage management mentorship program with U.S.I.T.T. next year. If this falls through, I hope to be a student volunteer again. While at U.S.I.T.T. in 2011, I hope to sit for a portfolio review.

Long Term Goals:

After graduating from Henderson in the Spring of 2013, I will be attending graduate school. It is my hope to attend the College-Conservatory of Music at the University of Cincinatti to obtain a Masters of Fine Arts. I want to stage manage opera and as far as I can tell, they are the best equipped for such training.
My second graduate school option is the University of Delaware Professional Theatre Training Program. The program focuses on the classics, something I would enjoy greatly. Second to Opera, it would be my dream job. The program is intense and I feel it would better prepare me for the life I want.
It is my ultimate goal (and far-fetched dream) to stage manage productions either at La Scala in Milan or at The Globe in London.

I'm Not A Stable Person

I know that, alright? I know that I flip-flop and that my emotions are like a roller coaster. One minute I absolutely love a person and the next I can't stand them. That's just a part of who I am. I don't have the best people skills. I know that, too. I struggle to be nice and not be horrible. And a lot of the time, I succeed.

Do not call me a bitch, because the only way I know how to protect or defend myself is by being "abrasive." I'm not required to be nice all the time.

I do bounce around like a rubber ball in a rubber room (would that actually work?). I don't know why, just that I do. I know that I can go MONTHS at a time and do nothing but cry. I know that I can go quite a while normal and happy. And I know that there are times, I go nuts. I do crazy things and I can't control myself.

I can't help it.

Not without drugging myself up. I'm happier being a bouncy ball, k thx.

I'm 99.9% Sure

it's love.

This is going to come out all wrong...

I'm hung up on a guy. Not like it's a bad thing. He is, after all, my boyfriend. We've been dating for six months. However, there's this sense in my chest. You know, like it would hurt if he left. I don't like this. At all. Seriously.

I hate that I wait for his texts or that I get frustrated when we can't Skype for quite a few days. Seriously, when did I start caring about men and what they were up to or what they thought. Or wanting to talk to him when I've had a bad day... or when I've had a good day. I want to hear about his day, no matter how dull. This isn't the way it was planned... I'm not sure what I had planned, but it wasn't this... It wasn't supposed to start feeling like "love". At least not like what I thought it felt like before.

I thought I swore those days were over, that I would never give anybody a chance to hurt me.

So, why?

Personality

Extraversion (63%):
easily expresses emotions, not drained by social interaction, smiles a lot, believes most people like or will like them, bold, likes to lead, would rather be a participant than an observer, gregarious, loves night life activities and crowds, likes to participate in group discussions, oftens assumes the role of "Entertainer" or "Performer", easy to get to know, spends more time with others than alone, competes for the spotlight, fits in most places, likes to be popular, frequently touches people, spontaneous, likes to amuse, optimistic, social chameleon, charmer, tends to be confident

Stability (10%)

Orderliness (50%):

systematic, scheduled, planned, prefers structure, disciplined, desires the predictability of routine and habit, responsible, does things by the book, meets obligations on time, uncomfortable with imperfection, hard working, serious, practical, plans ahead, focuses on achieving goals, cautious, more logical than abstract, plays it safe, success driven, achiever, not easily distracted, law abiding, detail oriented and sometimes obsessed, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, likes the security of working for a company

Accommodation (63%):

nice, happiest when helping and giving to others, does not mind serving others, unselfish, generous, self sacrificing, other-centric, warm, caring, loving, peaceful, modest, has trouble saying no, has trouble being firm, does not enjoy fighting, very loyal, prefers team victories over personal glory, wants everyone to get along, not manipulative, drawn to public service fields, good listener, comforter, not materialistic, honest, agreeable, nurturing

Intellectual (80%)

likes gadgets, analytical, problem solver, knowledgeable, philosophical, observant, curious, synthesizer, perceptive, enjoys games of strategy, prescient, questioner, inventive, introspective, relies more on mind than others, more influenced by self than others, brainstormer, nerdy, looks for hidden patterns, seeks meaning, rationalist, bibliophile, likes science fiction, more humanitarian, more likely to be a meglomaniac, more likely to pursue higher academia, computer/technology savvy, off beat sense of humor, more likely to shop online, more solitary, more artistic than average, values education, more experimental, hangs out mostly with other intellectuals, attracted to the counter culture, likes to get lost in thought

Interdependence (30%)

more likely to see themselves as basically good, good at taking advice, loves birthdays, prefers to do things with others, easier to get to know, more expressive about feelings, likes to be part of a group, learns better with others, more trusting, more positive, more likely to be content, tends to be traditional, does not like to be without guidance, more likely to feel indebted/grateful to parents, values society, more open, less intellectual, less rigid, relationship-oriented

Mystical (70%):

feels pulled to the symbolic, archetypal, and mysterious; likes to look weird, believes in extra sensory perception, lives an experimental life, frequently reinvents self, more abstract than logical, more likely to be a trauma survivor, looks for hidden meaning, attracted to weirdness, different, off beat, unpredictable, more solitary, focus on fantasies more than reality, drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, bohemian, prefers autonomy, erotic, charmer, insightful, prefers strange clothing

Materialism (60%):

wealth seeking, prefers extravagence, superficial, believes the bigger the pay check the more important the person, more competitive, more selfish, more preoccupied with money, more likely to believe they deserve to have whatever they want (sense of entitlement), seeks status and power relative to peers, more likely to believe there is nothing wrong with marrying partly for money, disdains financial insecurity, avoids losing status and control, looking good is more important than comfort, believes in success through appearances, second place is not good enough, more manipulative, has a need for applause, less generous, loves to win awards, more likely to do things primarily for own benefit, gets angry when they don't get when they want, more used to getting their way, prefers instant gratification

Narcissism (70%):

use their looks to get what they want, is able to plan and work towards goals successfully, loves themself, optimistic, sparkling, achiever, self promoting, self assured, success driven, thinks they can charm anyone, ambitious, elegant, thinks they are better looking than most people (which they may or may not be), believes that they are special, more a leader than a follower, believes that other people are envious of them, loves to win awards, fits in most places, seductive, purposeful, believes in success through appearances, assertive, goal oriented, would love to have buildings and monuments named after them, believes they deserve all the good things they have, likes to be popular

Adventurousness (70%):

does not worry about consequences, tends to do dangerous things without adequate precautions, always seeking new challenges, unpredictable, lives for pleasure, loves physical exertion, loves to test their strength, more desire than fear, loves night life and crowds, adrenaline junkie, impulsive, enjoys fighting, open to pretty much anything, believes that fun is the most important thing in life, loves to exercise, not opposed to breaking laws, prefers the unfamiliar to the familiar, prefers autonomy, likes to perform, ambitious, uninhibited, likes camping, erotic, likes to lead, most people think they are crazy, remains calm when others panic, cannot sit still, has an all or nothing personality, self-promoting, risk taker, brave, likes to be different

Work Ethic (90%):

desires accomplishment, determined, hard working, goal-oriented, can forget to eat and sleep when focused on work, achiever, success driven, perfectionist, motivated, does things by the book, meets obligations on time, disciplinarian, planner, ambitious, responsible, purposeful, self-controlled, workaholic, over-achiever, focused, not afraid of a high stress job, likes the security of working for a company, good trouble-shooter, was mature at a young age, does not give up until the work is done, logical, wants to be capable and competent

Conflict-Seeking (90%):

quick-tempered, more war than peace, likes to instigate anger in others, can be hurtful, arrogant, says mean things intentionally, makes enemies, prone to verbal rants, enjoys fighting, more likely to be aggressive than form alliances, more rough than tender, competitive, can be crude, likes to antagonize people, finds it easy to manipulate others, does not treat others as they would like to be treated, reckless, impulsive, destructive, insult artist, brutally honest, all or nothing personality, gets attention through negative behavior, believes it is necessary to be ruthless to be successful, unpredictable, thinks most people are idiots, comes on too strong, more a leader than a follower

Need To Dominate (90%):

quick-tempered, likes to manage others, bossy, second place is not good enough, can be hurtful, games are only fun if they win, comes on too strong, wants things done their way, competes for the spotlight, used to getting their way, powerful, strong, own-person, tough, leader, vindictive, controlling, finds it easy to manipulate others, has authoritarian tendencies, tries to surpass the accomplishments of others, has a need for applause, uses others and self to achieve goals, wealth-seeking, self-promoting, arrogant, self-confident, likes to correct people, seeks status and power relative to peers, self-absorbed, competitive, makes enemies, can be crude, enjoys fighting, has an all or nothing personality, enjoys antagonizing people

Romantic (30%):

merges and feels intimate oneness with others, wants to feel loved, fears being unwanted, finding true love is their main passion in life, romantic idealist, can't control their romantic feelings or thoughts, when in a relationship their attention is entirely focused on that person, desires secure relationships above all else, feels best when they are admired, would sacrifice anything for love, believes love is salvation, gets very attached to people, more sensual than intellectual, would rather be in a mediocre relationship than alone, loves getting massages, desires more attention, concerned about being attractive to a potential soul mate, swayed by emotions, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels loving towards others

Avoidant (70%)

loner, limits social interaction because it's draining, does not express emotions easily, shy, does not like most people, does not think most people like them, nothing really pleases them, prefers to dress down (hide attractiveness), considered weird by others, values personal privacy above personal relationships, feels dejected and better off alone, neglects self, has low self esteem issues, can't find meaning in life, seeks wholeness through isolation, hard to get to know, emotionally numb, even in a relationship they desire a sense of seperateness, thinks life is overrated, would rather be alone then risk rejection, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, feels like an outsider, afraid to show it when they like some one, aversion to physical contact, somewhat asexual, prone to shame, existentially depressed, prone to focus on suffering, bitter, does not like happy people, poor self image, anhedonic

Anti-Authority (90%):

resents supervision, does not like to be bound by schedules or habits, prefers to do things when they feel ready, appreciation for anarchy, has a need for complete freedom, would rather work for self than a company, questions everything, wants things done their way, prone to behavior problems in school, gets angry when they don't get what they want, subversive, tends to dislike organized religion, fears confinement, values loyalty, challenging

Wealth (10%):

can afford more luxuries than most people, believes they get what they want because of how they look, grew up feeling well off, spoiled by parents, considers themself elegant, used to getting their own way, believes the bigger the pay check the more important the person, success-driven, loves to win awards, believes looking good is more important than comfort, uses their looks to get what they want, self-promoting, wealth-seeking, comes from wealthy family, achiever, has no problem with the gap between the rich and poor widening, interested in hierarchy and prestige

Dependency (30%):

not confident, prone to mistakes, indecisive, desires security and support, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels envious, not productive without reassurance, gets very attached to people, feels guilty when they disagree with people, seeks acceptance and recognition from peers, dramatizes their suffering, impressionable, can be talked into doing things, fears being unwanted or unworthy of love, never knows what to do next, personality is centered around low self-esteem issues, swayed by emotions, can't handle people being mad at them, freezes up in stressful situations, influenced more by others than self, avoids responsibilities, life lacks direction, prone to paranoia, prone to shame, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness

Change Averse (10%):

follows fairly predictable patterns in life, prefers to stick with things they know, routine and habit make them feel secure, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, the habits they have now they will have a year from now, does not like to be without guidance, prefers the proven to the experimental, gets very attached to things, wants everything to add up perfectly, desires security and support, more past than future oriented, frequently feels envious, predictable, can't adjust well to new situations, does things by the book, avoids being called on in group discussions, would not enjoy being an entrepreneur

Cautiousness (70%):

proceeds with care in most endeavors, favors sameness and consistency to surpises, does things by the book, feels that something bad will happen if they let their guard down, not reckless, prefers structure, thinks the world is a dangerous place, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, wants everything to add up perfectly, protective of their feelings, prone to paranoia, fears being harmed or controlled, suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, worries about making the wrong choices, thinks of things in terms of costs and benefits, prioritizes personal safety, more contemplation than action, perfectionist, refiner, goal-oriented, trouble shooter, prefers to stick with what they know, worries about consequences

Individuality (70%):

believes they are very odd, likes to behave and or dress in a shocking manner, drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, wants to be as independent from society as possible, likes to look wierd, self-expressive, most people think they are crazy, desires autonomy / complete freedom, frequently reinvents self, unpredictable, more random than controlled, drawn to careers where creativity is a solitary pursuit, more abstract than concrete, grew up feeling that they had to stand out to be happy, attracted to the counter culture, dissatisfied with the ordinary and non-dramatic, pursues the extroadinary and intense, prefers weird friends, thinks they are a trend setter, lives an experimental life, driven by curiousity, reckless, novelty-seeking, fond of anarchy, bohemian, feels like they lose a sense of self when the agree with people

Sexuality (60%):

more kinky than vanilla, erotic, feels pleasure should play a central role in life, not oppossed to strip clubs, promiscuous tendencies, likes to be naked, seductive, loves getting massages, likes to dress provocatively, merges and feels intimate oneness with others, believes love is proven through physical expression, believes they get what they want because of how they look, more sensual than intellectual, uses looks to get what they want, believes personal relationships are more important than personal privacy, would rather risk rejection than remain alone, not afraid to show their feelings when they like someone, impulsive, charmer

Peter Pan Complex (20%):

avoids responsibilities, people tell them they are childish and need to grow up, would rather live in their head than the real world, wants success to just happen to them, focuses on fantasies more than reality, believes they deserve to have whatever they want, life lacks direction, never know what to do next, does dumb things frequently, inconsistent performance, lazy, slacker, does the minimum to get by, does things without thinking, does not feel they have any reason to accomplish anything, tend to ignore or put off problems, believes fun is the most important thing in life, most people think they are crazy, forgets scheduled appointments, more past than future, gets attention through negative behavior

Histrionic (30%):

strong need for applause, gets angry and frustrated if they don't get what they want, likes to be popular, believes winning is no fun unless people know you won, desires more attention, competes for the spotlight, grew up feeling they had to stand out to be happy, gets attention through negative behavior, self-absorbed, frequently feels envious, likes to manipulate others, superficial, tends to become involved with people quickly, feels best when admired, wants things done their way, used to getting their way, uses their looks to get what they want, quick-tempered, impulsive, vain, loves to win awards, performer, entertainer, pleasure-seeking, swayed by emotions, prefers instant gratification, self-promoting, believes in success through appearances, wealth-seeking

Vanity (70%)

uses looks to get what they want, arrogant, self-absorbed, believes they can get what they want because of how they look, believes in success through appearances, cares about how they look to others, believes looking good is more important than comfort, feels best when others find them physically attractive, believes other people are envious of them, superficial, feels best when admired, attentive to appearance, spends a lot of time thinking about what is attractive, feels they are better looking than most people, competes for the spotlight, self-promoting, feels both superior and defective, likes to manipulate others, seductive, likes to be popular, used to getting their way, reckless with money, wealth-seeking, does things primarilly for the benefit of themself, does not like to be friends with people who are physically unattractive, tends to wear tight fitting clothing if female, desires more attention, assumes most people like them

Artistic (90%):

drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, drawn to careers where creativity is a solitary pursuit, more abstract than concrete, original, appreciates beauty, ideal love seeking, intense, imaginative, introspective, likes indie rock music, prone to an interest in acting, likes art house movies, self-expressive, likes to look weird, pulled to the symbolic and mysterious, likes to perform, prone to keeping a journal, attracted to the counter culture, interested in journalism, odd, trend setter, different, lives an experimental life, prefers shopping at organic markets, attracted to weirdness, more likely to be vegetarian, dislikes the ordinary and non-dramatic, feels both special and defective

Hedonism (50%):

willing to break the law if the monetary benefit is great enough, likes tattoos, likes strip clubs, prone to substance abuse, prone to shoplifting, thinks marijuana should be legalized, not opposed to breaking laws, promiscuous, prone to cheat in relationships, kinky, likes to dress provocatively, believes pleasure should play a central role in life, can be crude, believes religion is foolish, does not worry about consequences of actions, addictive tendencies, more a night person than a day person, erotic, more likely to have been on anti-depressants, gets attention through negative behavior, reckless with money, prone to nihilism, unpredictable, self-destructive

Physical Fitness (60%):

feels in good shape and look forwards to a long happy life, good self image, proud of health and strength, strives to improve self, more elegant, feels they are better looking than most people, high self-esteem, loves physical exertion, more likely to wear tight fitting clothing if female, less prone to eating disorders, less likely to have health problems, takes care of self, athletic, more likely to be thin, more likely to get up early, more experimental, more likely to like popularity, more likely to have worked as a model, eats healthier

Religious (80%):

closest confident is a Higher Power, has more belief than doubt, prefers to let religion not themself decide the meaning of their life, more opposed to strip clubs, believes that life is meaningful, more likely to revere holidays and traditions, considers themself very spiritual, more likely to be politically conservative, more opposed to euthanasia, fears being corrupt or evil, old-fashioned, more likely to think abortion should be outlawed, has faith things will work out, would sacrifice their life for a good enough cause, more caring, more honest, more generous, prude, more modest, drawn to public service, more purposeful

Paranoia (60%):

suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, more doubt than belief, preoccuppied with death and suffering, fears being harmed or controlled, bitter, looks for hidden meaning in things, personality is centered around low self-esteem issues, feels misunderstood, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, defensive, often experiences disgust, love-hate relationships with most things, likes to test people's loyalty, thinks life is overrated, focuses on suffering, feels like an outsider, existentially depressed, does not trust what people say, prone to shame, suffers from depression, knows the dark side of life very well, attracted to things associated with sadness, would rather remain alone than risk rejection, hard to get to know, makes enemies, loner

Hypersensitivity (10%):

tends to get too emotional, can't take it easy, feels gloomy and distraught frequently, more past than future, more feeling than doing, not confident in their opinions or abilities, dislikes themself, prone to paranoia, affected by the moods of others, broody, envious, ideal love seeking, expressive, dramatic, tempermental, impressionable, swayed by emotions, fears loss and separation, poor self image, gets very attached to people and things, hopeless romantic, focuses on suffering, desires security and support, defensive, suffers from loneliness, feels invisible, fears rejection in relationships, can't control romantic feelings and thoughts, existentially depressed, suffers from depression, prone to shame, prone to panic attacks, feelings guide most of their behavior, can't handle people being mad at them, dreams about a rescuer, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, familiar with the role of victim, worries they will make the wrong choices, conflicts between thoughts and feelings, desires more attention

Indie (50%):

experimental, cynical, anti-corporation, more likely to be averse to organized religion, environmental, computer/technology savvy, solitary at times, nihilistic, anti-materialism, attracted to the counter culture, observant, likes obscure books / movies / music, unconventional, eccentric, curious, non-traditional, internally driven, more narcissitic than average, enviromentally aware

Stability results were very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Guess it explains a lot...

Take it here:http://similarminds.com/cgi-bin/city101.pl

You, Sir, are an ass!

So, I have technical writing with a friend. Our final project we have to write a grant proposal. I whisper excitedly that I know just the thing to write about: the ropes for the fly system. I head back to work, clock in, and put my stuff away. I then go to talk to the faculty member who would be able to tell me more about the ropes. As I get closer, I notice the friend talking to him. When I get to them and hear what they're discussing.

THE SON OF A BITCH STOLE MY TOPIC!!!

And since the writing professor doesn't want us to write about the same things, I HAVE TO FIND A NEW TOPIC!

Dear Neighbor,

I know that I'm old-fashioned, but at two in the morning you should be asleep. NOT PLAYING MUSIC THAT SHAKES MY ENTIRE APARTMENT! Some of us do like to see the sun in the morning.

GO TO BED!

Sincerely,

Your grouchy bitch neighbor

PS. I will call the police

Obsess Much?

I'm a very obsessive person.

I obsess over things I've said or want to say until the point that I've made myself sick.

I've also struggled with the obsession over weight. I'm terrified of getting "fat".

I obsess over grades.

I obsess over shows. I put my all into them, but that means that I pretty much eat, drink, and sleep the show.

I think what I obsess over the most would have to be what "the other women" had that I didn't. I go through the list multiple times daily, trying to figure out what was so flawed that my ex had to run to other women. The ironic thing: I haven't found it yet. It doesn't help the obsession.

Friends Don't Do This. Right?

Is it wrong that I'm upset over a friend suddenly becoming friends with one of the girls my ex-boyfriend slept with when were together?

The friend and I used to be really close. We were best friends until she moved to California, then when she came back to NC, I was getting ready to move to Arkansas. And as people do we drifted.

But she was there during the whole ex-boyfriend thing (I dumped him last December.). All two years of it.

This girl made a point of sending me photos and flaunting the fact that he was fucking her behind my back.

There hanging out today. Actually, right now.

And I'm hurt. And a little pissed.

Am I horribly in the wrong?

2010

Resolutions:

1. Write everyday.
2. Take at least one picture a day.
3. Eat healthier.
4. Work out regularly.
5. Work on my relationships
6. Get neat and tidy and stay that way
7. Make straight A's.
8. Work on my attitude.
9. Stay true to myself/Discover myself
And last, but not least...
10. Get closer to God.

What is planned thus far for 2010:

1. Laundry and Bourbon/Lonestar (Stage Managing!)
2. USITT Conference
3. Much Ado About Nothing (Stage Managing!)
4. Europe Trip
5. Community Theatre

Stand by Me

Gordie: Fuck writing, I don't want to be a writer. It's stupid, it's a stupid waste of time.
Chris: That's your dad talking.
Gordie: Bullshit.
Chris: Bull true.
Chris: I know how your dad feels about you. He doesn't give a shit about you! Denny was the one he cared about and don't try to tell me different. Your just a kid, Gordie.
Gordie: Oh, gee, thanks, Dad!
Chris: Wish the hell I was your dad. You wouldn't be goin' around talkin' about takin' these stupid shop courses if I was. It's like God gave you something man, all those stories you can make up. And He said, "this is what we got for ya kid, try not to lose it." Kids lose everything unless there's someone there to look out for them. And if your parents are too fucked up to do it, then maybe I should!

Dear 2009

Dear 2009,
We’ve had some great times, haven’t we? Well, some rough ones too. It seems we’ve survived thus far. I’ve worn your security like a warm cloak, used you to cushion my fall. You’ve been with me, close to me, for so long. You were there to pick me up after 2008 left me shattered on the pavement where she dropped me. You were there, helping me nurse my wounds and pick up the pieces. You did all you could to keep me from hurting myself with the shards of a past life. You pulled me from the wreckage and helped me regain my footing. You were there to catch me in case I fell as I began to relearn how to walk alone.
You and I struggled at times, when things go really hard and I wanted to run back to ‘08 and the person I was with her. But you never let me. You held onto me, even when I fought my hardest. And when things got to be too much for me, you wrapped yourself around me and promised better tomorrows.
But more importantly, you helped me rediscover myself. You held my hand until I was able to walk alone. You taught me independence and how to love myself. For that I will be eternally grateful. You changed me.
Yet, no matter how great we are together, I feel that our time together must end. It’s not you and you must never think that. It’s me. I just need more. I’m not scared anymore and it’s thanks to you. However, my lack of fear and my newfound independence mean that I no longer need to be taken care of. I’m finally strong enough to hold my own.
I fear that I must tell you something, lest you hear it from somebody else. I’ve found someone else, a new year. He’s able to offer me a new beginning, something you are unable to give. He’s offering me the unknown and adventure. It’s something I just can’t pass up, but you knew that, didn’t you?
Please don’t think this has anything to do with you. I will always be grateful for everything we have shared. You will always have a special place in my heart and in me memory.
Love,
Me