Finally Alone

with the boy

and this is when I like him the most.

Dear Stupid Boy,

I do not Skype you to talk to your stupid friends. Nor do I Skype you to watch you talk to your stupid friends.

And I especially don't appreciate having to sit there and watch that skank flirt with you.

If I look pissed off, GUESS WHAT!? I AM!

I Am Extremely Honored

AND EXCITED!!!

I have been featured by Prodigious Poetry and Prose #PPLit

I am the "Poetry Pick of the Day"

Here's the link:
http://news.deviantart.com/article/110185/
There are five other fantastic writers featured as well.


*squeal*

Real Life Soundtrack Part 2

The second installment of my personally created sountrack. If you haven't read the first, you should.


This has got to be one of the most powerful songs that I have ever heard. I cannot listen to it without crying. It sums up every sort of hurt, every rejection, every love, everything into one song. I have ten versions on my iPod at the moment, and it will keep increasing.

Hallelujah - Countless People


Well, I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do you?
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there is a god above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah


This song is another one of my "I Can Do It!" songs. It's peppy enough to put a skip in your step, but not peppy enough to detract from the meaning.

I Have Confidence - The Sound Of Music


What will this day be like?
I wonder
What will my future be?
I wonder
It could be so exciting
To be out in the world
To be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh whats the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
Now here i'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared?

Captin with seven children
Whats so fearsome about that?

Oh I must stop all these doubts
All these worries
If I don't i just know i'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me! So!

Lets get rid of all their problem
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence
They'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see
I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children
Heaven bless them
They will look up to me
And mind me

With each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides what you see I have confidence in me!

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumber
When you wake up
Wake up!

All I trust
I give my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence
In confidence alone

I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides what you see I have confidence
In me!!!!!!!!!!!!


The following song is another that has touched me. It's about trying to communicate and misunderstandings. It's about defining yourself and protecting your past. It's about how things seem to happen over and over.

Our Battles - Maria Mena


Our battles are repetitious
if not broken poetry
And maybe that's the attraction
that you're as self-absorbed as me

You jumped to the conclusion and landed on my chest
Now how am I supposed to make you see

I’ll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I will no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
And while I kissed your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for your former lovers' mistakes

My past is mine to keep
Now who are you to question me
Perhaps, someday you'll learn
too bad it's not our turn

You jumped to the conclusion and landed on my chest
Now how am I supposed to make you see

I'll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I will no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
And while I kissed your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for your former lovers' mistakes

You set the standard for my future
You set the standard for my future (lovers)
You set the standard for my future
You set the standard for my future (lovers) x4
You set the standard

I'll just write this down with hopes that you'll understand
I can no longer be disciplined by the frustrations of an insecure man
And as I kiss your face you'll know that I will no longer apologize for you former lovers mistakes

I will write this down
Former lovers' mistakes

Waiting to be Sorted

• What sort of profession in the wizarding world would you choose and why?
  
  As much as I wish I could say I would probably be something exciting like an auror or unspeakable, I imagine I would be either a healer or a secretary. Possibly a teacher of some sort. I enjoy helping others and would love to know that I have made a difference in somebody's life, either by healing them or helping them to realize their own ambition. I'm also very organized and able to assist others in staying on top of things, hence the secretary. I try to be creative, but I think I try just a little to hard. I want to be the best at everything I do and am willing to do the best I can. I love knowledge and learning things. I enjoy conveying those ideas to others.
  
  
  
• You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one Harry Potter character other than Hagrid and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you'd want with you.
  
  I would probably prefer to have Fleur travel into the forest with me. She's smart and talented, contrary to popular belief. She was a Triwizard champion after all. She also doesn't seem like the type of person who would abandon ship if things got difficult. She did stay with Bill when they expected her to leave. She faced the Weasley's dislike even though it was obvious and did so with grace. She's vibrant and full of life. She'd be a companion who could handle her own and help the night pass quickly.
  
  I would bring a camera or notebook. How many times do you students honestly get to go into the forest (with permission!)? There would be so many sights and events that I would want to capture in some way, shape, or form.
  
  
  
• If you had the opportunity to live forever, but your family and friends did not, what would you choose? And if you did choose to live forever, what would you do with eternity?
  
  No. I wouldn't. I'm too involved in my loved ones. The idea of leaving my friends or family would be painful for short periods of time. If I lived forever, I would have to watch them pass away, watch them grow old and frail, maybe watch them suffer. I'm not the type of person who could handle that well. Especially not if it's a cycle that is going to continue for all eternity. I would remain youthful and vibrant while my loved ones faded away. I'm too frightened of forgetting to live my life like that. I'd rather enjoy the time I have with the people I have NOW, than to live all eternity without them.
  
  
  
• If you could travel back in time to one point, when and where would you go? Why?
  
  I think I would travel back in time to see my father as my mother did. So, just thirty years or so. I know that there isn't a great, historical event that occurred. My father was never present and I felt jilted as a child when there was no father in the stands, no bedtime rituals, and no hugs or kisses. My mother swears he was a good man at one point and when she tells stories, it seems almost like something out of a novel or movie. I want to see the man he once was and not the distant doctor he is now. Even if just for a moment, I want to know that he did care at some point.
  
  
  
• What HP character do you identify with most and why?
  
  I identify the most with Percy Weasley. He is not a bad character, though many think he does. I like to imagine that he was a spy for the Order, though I know that's not likely.
  
  Percy is an ambitious character. He wants the world. He wants to be noticed. In a house with seven children, it would be easy to go unnoticed, especially if one were well-behaved. While he wanted the world, I think more than anything Percy wanted to belong somewhere. He belonged with his family, but due to how easily he was bound to be looked over (not purposely) or teased by his brothers, he probably didn't feel like it. It was a realization that didn't occur until he had left. Percy was good at his job. He made a difference, even just a small one, and was noticed for it. He felt he belonged.
  
  Percy was lost, however. This is something that I think anybody can relate to. Percy didn't know who he was or where he belonged. I imagine his years away from his family were incredibly difficult and allowed him to realize how much his family was part of his identity. His time away from them though allowed him to see who he was away from them. As just Percy. He had to lose himself to find himself.
  
  
  
• What would you see if you looked into the Mirror of Erised?
  
  I think I would see a big family. Loving husband, four or five children. All after having an accomplished career in the arts, of course. :) I would have a place to belong. The epitome of a picket fence life. Maybe a dog or two.
  
  
• Do you believe that moral actions should be judged by the intentions behind them, or by the consequences they create?
  
  Moral actions should be judged by the intentions behind them. If something good happens, it was accidental. If you are out to destroy someone and it backfires, you will still go after them. Intentions define who you are, not the consequences. What you want to happen, what you intend, are what defines you.
  
  
  
• What was your ideal job as a kid? Has that changed? What is your ideal job now?
  
  My ideal job as a child was a mother/performer. Now I would rather be a mother/writer/stage manager. While the career path has changed, I still think that being a mother is the best "occupation" you can have. You form the minds of your children. You better the world through your children and they will be your true legacy. There is very little a mother's love cannot fix and there is nothing as fierce. Deep in my soul, I know that is my true destiny.
  
  
  
• If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it, and what would you call it?
  
  If I could create a single potion/spell/charm, it would be something to give the Longbottom's back their sanity. I think it's horribly unfair that they lost out on everything, as did Neville. It was different from just losing one's family. One would be able to see them suffer, see them their, even touch them, but know that while on some level they may recognize you, it's not the same. I don't know what I'd call it, and at the end of the day, I don't think the name would even matter.
  
  
• If you were to face a boggart, what would it turn into? And what does it turn into when you throw the counter-spell, Riddikulus?
  
  If I were to face a boggart, it would probably be a mirror image, or a lost loved one. A lost loved one is obvious. There is nothing that is more stomach-dropping, heart-wrenching awful than losing someone you care about. The mirror image would have to do with my fear of failure and rejection. I'm one of those people who when something like that happens looks within myself to find out what I did wrong.
  
  I don't know what the counter-spell would conjure up. I've never thought I'd be able to handle a boggart. My fears aren't easily dismissed.
  
  
  
• What do you look for in a friend?
  
  I look for intelligence, humor, loyalty, and a touch of quirkiness. I want my friends to be able to challenge me in ways that I didn't realize I could be challenged. That's what friends are there for, to help you better yourself. Friends should be able to know how to make you laugh, smile, cry, anything. And a friend should stick by you no matter what. It is not my place to judge my friends, just to love them. It is my place to care for them when things fall apart and to dance with them when things are going well. Most people have a touch of quirkiness and this is to set them apart. Everyone is unique and it is those that embrace their uniqueness who wind up truly happy.
  
  
  
• What trait most annoys you about other people?
  I do not get along with people who are ridiculously big-headed, people who are constantly boasting about their accomplishments, no matter how small. I cannot stand people who belittle others to make themselves feel better about themselves.
  
  
  
• What do you think are your top five abilities or qualities?
  
  1. Intelligence. I am smart, even if I don't always seem it. Things come relatively easy to me, unless they have to do with science.
  
  2. My devotion. I don't do anything half-assed, whether it is school-related or loving my friends. I am dedicated to everything I find important and give it my heart, body, and soul.
  
  3. I'm opinionated. I know where I stand and I'm not easily swayed, even when I am teased for my beliefs. I am who I am and nobody is going to change me.
  
  4. My lust for life. I love living life. It's an adventure and there's no point in hiding forever, no point in acting ashamed or living a life of regret.
  
  5. My organization. I can find anything I need in my home or workplace. I know what needs to be done, what has been finished, and what comes next.
  
  
  
• What do you think are your top five weaknesses or worst qualities?
  
  1. I'm prideful. I have difficulty apologizing or admitting I was wrong.
  
  2. I fall into temptation easily, especially when it comes to those I love.
  
  3. My harshness. If I get annoyed or aggravated, I am very blunt, more blunt than I realize. I often hurt the feelings of those I care for and don't mean to.
  
  4. I don't let go easily. I will hold onto things even if the hurt me. It usually takes someone who cares for me to snap me out of it.
  
  5. I fidget. I CANNOT sit still for the life of me. Even typing this out has been difficult. I've gotten up multiple times to dance to my iPod or fix a cup of coffee or brush my hair.
  
  
  
• Define in your own words the following key traits:
  
  
  
  • Courage: facing your fears, even if you are scared. Sometimes it takes someone's help, but it's being strong enough to look fear in the face and say, "I will live my life."
    
  • Loyalty: Staying with those you care about, through thick and thin. Even when they make mistakes, even when they aren't perfect. You stay because you love them.
    
  • Intelligence: Understanding things easily or working hard to understand things. Intelligence = understanding
    
  • Ambition: A drive to accomplish your dreams.
    
  
  
  
• Name: Jill
  
• Age: 19
  
• Where did you find out about us? A friend
  
• Do you plan on being active in the communities once you are sorted? Yes
  

Why do I even try?

Seriously... how often do we get a chance to talk and flirt and goof off?

Yet, EVERY time there are fifty bajillion people in your room.

And the one there the most often is the girl who does like you, but you're too stupid to realize it. And because she is NEVER NOT FUCKING THERE I can't bring it up.

That nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach

Ever had a suspicion? One you've had before? One that terrifies you?

The kind of suspicion that you know from the past can come true? The kind of suspicion that logic cannot get rid of? In fact, logic strengthens?

Ever had the kind of suspicion that you swear won't happen?

The kind where you swear you won't cry if it does?

The kind of suspicion that eats you from the inside out? That won't let images fade away? The kind that flashes like kodak film across your eyelids whenever you dare blink?

The kind of suspicion that clogs your airways? Suffocates you? That sinks into your pores and lodges itself in your arteries?

Ever had the kind of suspicion that killed?

Dear Girl,

Dear girl (who shall remain nameless),

I know you like my boyfriend. It's pretty friggin' obvious.

If you try something I will kick your stupid ass to the moon. Bitch don't play.

Sincerely,
The Girlfriend

Just Noting...

But when you call your religious beliefs "shenanigans", I'm not going to take you terribly seriously. Nobody is. Don't get upset when people think you are playing at it when you make it seem like some sort of game.

It may make me seem like a bitch, but whatever. When you act like it's some game you play to cheer up, that's how people are going to see it. They are going to see this as some rebellious phase and simply wait for you to snap out of it or expect you to stop.

Get over it.

Because James McClure Wrote the Words For Me

Well, I love Roy, Hattie, and he needs me right now. He doesn't know it. But he does. And I'm going to be here.

Super Bowl Sunday

You know you have no life when people are talking about some football game and it takes you ALL morning to realize they are talking about the super bowl.

Who’s playing again?

Actually, I have a life. My life is theatre. In every sense of the word.

In fact, I’m missing the big game for tech!

Why I Would LOVE a New Computer...

Computer froze during an online astronomy quiz. On the FIRST question. Computer locked up and shut down. Quiz was still counted. Made a zero.

Screw you, Angel Learning. Screw you.

Next week and beyond, I'm going to the library to take these quizzes.

F my life.

:D

I know what tattoo I am going to get now.

It's going to be bitchin' awesome.