A Little Pet Peeve of Mine

People who comment on my facebook statuses, trashing my beliefs.

You don't have to agree with everything I say, but you should have the common decency to respect the fact that I have my own beliefs.

Being a conservative does not make me wrong. Just like being a liberal does not make you right.

I am allowed to be passionate about certain things, such as terrorists somehow getting aboard a plane, and you are allowed to be passionate about others, such as the healthcare bill passing.

I respect you. Respect me back.

Us "right-wing extremists" have feelings too.

In My Never To Be Humble Opinion:

I think we need to stop calling the terrorist a “suspect”. We know he had explosives. We know he intended to take down that plane. Now is when we interrogate the SOB before shooting him in the face. KThx.

Stop treating these horrible people like they're worth the time of day.

I still don't know how he can't through security. UGH......

Broken People

Everyone is broken to some degree. Some people are more broken than others, but we are all broken. As Plato said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

However, you cannot fix broken people. You can only be there to help them fix themselves, but you cannot fix them without them. When you try to fix smebody who doesn’t want to be fixed, you hurt yourself. Sometimes, you hurt yourself to the breaking point. You can break yourself attempting to help someone else. You cannot save somebody who does not want to be saved.

And eventually, it gets to the point where you have to abandon ship in order to keep yourself from sinking. They will drown you if you let them. They will drag you down with their undertoe, deeper and deeper, as their own waves of suffering crashes over your head.

And they won’t care.

The Boogeyman

I wrote in my final pyschology paper that I could not write a first-person reflective paper. Instead, I wrote a third-person short story. In the cover letter, explaining, I wrote that talking about it only made it real and that I was not willing to give the boogeyman life again.

While I’m not quite to the point of be ing ready to truly discuss my demons, I’m slowly beginning to realize that sealed lips can also sink ships. Staying silent, internalizing an issue, doesn’t make the boogeyman any less real. He’s always there, lurking in the back of your mind. You are still vulnerable and he can still prey upon yor unsuspecting soul. Talking about the boogeyman may make him seem more real, but at least you aren’t facing him alone. You have a support system to help you face him.

Maybe one day, I’ll be able to say more than “It’s bad.” or “I can’t.”

Hell, at this point, I should probably just put it all on paper. Though then the boogeyman is not only real, but forever immortalized, engraved forever upon the world.

Haunted

Your demons will come back to haunt you. You cannot escape them, cannot escape your past or who you once were. Your demons will continue to surface again and again. No matter how far you run or where you hide. You have to face them. They won’t leave you alone until you do. The ghosts of your past only get more creative as time passes.

You simply have to embrace it. No matter what others say; there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you for making mistakes or for letting things get to you. Your demons are part of you. You have to accept them so that you can be fully “integrated”. It’s a learning process.

On that note, your friends, your true friends, love you, demons and all. They know you have flaws, just like you know they do. They love them, because they are a part of you.

iPods suck.

My mom is trying to fix my 80 GB iPod Classic.

Not like I’ve spent the past two days attempting to fix it. I’ve done everything that I could think of and everything that was suggested by Apple and others. My computer won’t recognize it.

My mom is going to reformat. Not like I’ve done that a bazillion times.

Oh well, maybe she’ll get it fixed and I can have my baby back.

Not going to get my hopes up, but if she gets it to work, I might cry.

No joke.

Everytime It Rains

I love this song. Though my 17 year-old brother is a little obsessed.

We have decide that it is going to play at his wedding, his funeral, and in the background during his Valedictorian speech.

My Real Life Soundtrack, Part One

This is inspired by Blake’s “Sevas Tra” note awhile back. I was going to *steal* the idea then, but struggled to think of the right songs. Tonight while my iPod was on shuffle, I reconnected with certain songs that helped form who I am or songs that really helped me. I will continue adding songs as time passes. I will warn you now. It’s pretty ecclectic. Enjoy! :D

I will also warn you… my reasons for choosing these songs are WORDY. I’m pretty verbose. My apologies.

Sadly this song is not on my iPod. I discovered it on Youtube around a year and a half ago. It is easily the most played video on my account. Maria Mena has a stunning voice and even more stunning lyrics. However, she is most popular in Norway. Since her one album released to the US isn’t terribly popular, none of her others are available. I am currently not willing to pay absurd amounts of money for a cd. :P Bad fan… I know. Anyway, back to the song. Pretty much perfect description of life. If I had to pick a theme song for my life, this would be one of the top choices.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy - Maria Mena

Self hatred grows in me like cancer
I can’t locate its whereabouts but its feeding on its host
I expected him to have the answers
I thought I taught him how to love me
Now he fears me like a ghost

Self-fulfilling prophecy
You’re the only guaranteed loyalty
In this town
Full of violent mothers
Cheating fathers
Leaving lovers
I swear to you, I’ll never love again

This hunger grows inside me like a tumor
The dizziness just compliments
This failure of a girl
I’m settled now
The show of mine consumes me
But every pound I shed
Speaks volumes of my lack of self control

Self fulfilling prophecy
You’re the only one that dare speak truth about me
In this town of
Well intentioned mothers
Starving daughters
Worried lovers
I swear to you, I’ll never eat again

Self-fulfilling prophecy
You never fail to comfort me
In this town filled with
Violent mothers
Cheating fathers
Leaving lovers
Angry brothers
Starving daughters
Starving daughters
Worried lovers
I swear to you, I’ll never trust again

I know what you’re going to say. “A Beyonce song? This girl has lost it.” Normally, I’d agree, but this is sorta a description of certain people. People that I am uber grateful for. People that I don’t think I would have survived, would survive without. People who didn’t turn their backs on me when I turned mine on them or people who loved me when I hated myself. People who knew when to let certain things drop and when to make me talk. Friends who let me cry on their shoulders or who let me call them at three in the morning to talk, because it was the only time we weren’t both busy. Thanks, y’all. <3>

Halo - Beyonce

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they’re tumbling down
And they didn’t even put up a fight
They didn’t even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It’s like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
It’s the risk that I’m takin’
I ain’t never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You’re the only one that I want
Think I’m addicted to your light

I swore I’d never fall again
But this don’t even feel like falling
Gravity can’t forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
The risk that I’m takin’
I’m never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

It’s kind of ironic that I chose this song. I used to HATE it. No, like really. With the fiery burning passion of a thousand suns. I even stopped listening to Sugarland after this song. It pissed me off to no end. The audacity that someone had to have to be the other woman and lament. I was disgusted.
Somehow, however, it wound up on my iPod. I have no idea how, but it did. The device was on shuffle a few weeks ago and my hands were too busy to skip it, so I was forced to listen to it. After listening to it, I made myself listen again. By the third time through, I was crying. It seems as though I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to get people to stay, even if they were bad for me, whether they were friends, boyfriends, or relatives. I did all sorts of things (many that I am not proud of) to be what they needed, ignoring myself. Which is what I think the song is really about, or how I interpreted it.

Stay - Sugarland

I’ve been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I’ve been laying here praying, praying she won’t call
It’s just another call from home
And you’ll get it and be gone and I’ll be crying

And I’ll be begging you, baby, beg you not to leave
But I’ll be left here waiting with my heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we’ll be here
Seems like a million years and I think I’m dying
What do I have to do to make you see she can’t love you like me?

Why don’t you stay? I’m down on my knees
I’m so tired of being lonely, don’t I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go, there is one thing you should know
We don’t have to live this way, baby, why don’t you stay? Yeah

You keep telling me, baby there will come a time
When you will leave her arms and forever be in mine
But I don’t think that’s the truth
And I don’t like being used and I’m tired of waiting
It’s too much pain to have to bear to love a man you have to share

Why don’t you stay? I’m down on my knees
I’m so tired of being lonely, don’t I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go, there is one thing you should know
We don’t have to live this way, baby, why don’t you stay?

I can’t take it any longer but my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can’t waste another minute after all that I’ve put in it
I’ve given you my best, why does she get the best of you?
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don’t you stay? I’m up off my knees
I’m so tired of being lonely, you can’t give me what I need
When she begs you not to go, there is one thing you should know
I don’t have to live this way, baby, why don’t you stay? Yeah, oh

This is sorta my anthem. It’s the song I listen to when I need encouragement. It’s one of the most amazing scenes I’ve ever seen in theatre. It’s from my first professional show. If you look at the words, you’ll notice the song is about never giving up and going for your goals. That is exactly what I intend to do. :D

Defying Gravity - Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked)

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn’t you have stayed calm for
once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you’re happy!
I hope you’re happy now
I hope you’re happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you’re clever!

ELPHABA
I hope you’re happy
I hope you’re happy, too
I hope you’re proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

BOTH
So though I can’t imagine how
I hope you’re happy right now

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you’re sorry:
(sung) You can still be with the Wizard
What you’ve worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted:

ELPHABA
(spoken) I know:
(sung) But I don’t want it -
No - I can’t want it
Anymore:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down!

GLINDA
Can’t I make you understand?
You’re having delusions of grandeur:

ELPHABA
I’m through accepting limits
‘Cuz someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I’d sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together.

(sung) Unlimited
Together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll be the greatest team
There’s ever been
Glinda -
Dreams, the way we planned ‘em

GLINDA
If we work in tandem:

BOTH
There’s no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

ELPHABA
They’ll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

GLINDA
I hope you’re happy
Now that you’re choosing this

ELPHABA
(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH
I really hope you get it
And you don’t live to regret it
I hope you’re happy in the end
I hope you’re happy, my friend:

ELPHABASo if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
“Ev’ryone deserves the chance to fly!”
And if I’m flying solo
At least I’m flying free
To those who’d ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I’m flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I’ll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

GLINDA
I hope you’re happy!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Look at her, she’s wicked!
Get her!

ELPHABA
:Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF OZ
No one mourns the wicked
So we’ve got to bring her

ELPHABA
Ahhh!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Down!

Stay tuned for the next installment. :D

Dear Brain,

Dear Brain,

I understand that it is difficult, however, I would appreciate your cooperation. It's finals week and it's imperative that I have your assistance. Thursday afternoon you are allowed to shut down. For an entire month!

Sincerely,

Jill

Jump On It

My friend and I are having a video war... This was her last attack... is it weird or what?

Here is the ensuing conversation:

Me: Where the hell did you find something like this??? It's so stinking weird.
Her: I KNOW!!!!! :P
Me: Maybe I should start dressing up like a Pocahontas wannabe... then I'd be cool.
Her: You're already cool in my book
Me: YAY! But seriously... talk about the Thanksgiving spirit :P
Her: hahahahaha! It was crazy. Send me a good one.
Me: I don't know if I can top this... I'mma try though... *scours the interwebz*
Her:hahahahaha!!
Me: It's complete with awkward groin shots and everything!
Her: I KNOW!!! :D

*squeal*

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

I am so so happy and excited and elated and fantastic! About 4:45 today, Dr. Beach told me that if I think I can handle it that I can stage manage BOTH SHOWS next semester!

Obviously, it was a YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then, I jumped around like a crazy person for a couple of hours.